The Greatest Commandment

Forget love, forgiveness, charity, faith, discipleship, holiness, service, worship, prayer. The most important aspect of the Christian life today is -- Leadership. We can't be true Christ-followers until we can lead, and until we can lead with vision and purpose.
Leadership!
Next Level Leadership!
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Abandon dull readings of "passages," forsake outdated ideas such as communion, or fellowship, turn your back on such quaint concepts as sacrifice, struggle, seeking God's face or humility. Esteemed church experts now see that the most striking lack in the church is an absence of LEADERSHIP.

Because of the great number of leadership events now available, however, the problem is well in hand and we can breathe a sigh of relief that the church is no longer in peril.

Don't miss this one!

The leadership conference to end all leadership conferences!

Church Leader Alive!

2010
April 31 - May 6
in Spectacular South Dakota!

You will never lead the same after this week!

• A host of powerful, dynamic speakers present on topics guaranteed to bring effectiveness and life to your leadership ministry
• Scores of break-out sessions every leader will find relevant and engaging
• Deluxe accommodations packed with every amenity that leading leaders could want - in luxurious, prairie surroundings

Church Leader Alive! 2010 shows you how you can be empowered for dynamic and active outreach through lots of words. More words than ever before. Best-selling words and top-expert words.

This information-rich conference will empower leaders with the very best resources available from leading churches and speakers. And LEADING is what it's all about. Jesus emphasized leadership more than any other topic, in the Greek, and in the Latin, too.

Leaders will learn how to recharge their congregations - even their youth groups - by challenging them to renew heart, mind, body and spirit through sitting and listening to words.


Learn how to boost efficiency, effectiveness and growth of your church by filling in the blanks on a genuine, preprinted notebook with our logo on it. Don’t miss this rare opportunity to expand your congregation’s capacity for serving the needs of your faith community and surrounding unchurched population.


Discover how you can effectively access a learning-driven, online community of leaders to develop your unique leadership voice. With purpose.


You will be given an entire supply of relationship-building tools and helps, all for a very low price, just as Jesus provided for his leadership followers.


Enjoy the variety of dynamic presenters: Renowned multi-campus pastor John Worshipmonger speaks on profiting from the gospel; Glen Blather, Leadership-Mentoring expert, challenges leaders to increase giving by offering more goodies; Mark Salesemann, pastor of Laodocean Worship Center - a thriving, 15,000 member fellowship - shows how to turn an electronic presence into piles of cash; Blockbuster author Ben Doindat, gives pointers on writing best selling church leadership books; Rich Klerrick, youth group coordinator for the explosive CrashCrunch Hollow Church in Ellendale, ND, gives timely pointers on growing your youth investment; and Josh Joaching, senior pastor of Watch-us-Grow Believer's Fellowship Association, demonstrates how you, too, can organize a pastor conference and profit wildly in just months.


During the week you will see how building strategic alliances can effect change in your congregation, resulting in wholeness, success and overflowing offering plates.

• You will be given tools to strengthen the culture of leadership among decision makers on your leadership team as you scribble furiously during the breakout sessions.
• You will learn how to turn complaints into flattery, shortages into healthy balances both spiritually and financially by hearing how expert superpastors have done it.
• Your growth team will learn 14 ways to make tough decisions by tapping into spiritual reserves and charging up elements of faith - as well as shutting up or kicking out (we call it weed control) those who won't get with the vision.
• Leaders will explore ways to journey into undiscovered, knowledge-rich territory while mapping their gifts and building a championship crew of advisers, partners, co-leaders and mentors.

The 2010 Church Leader Alive! Conference will show you how to build awareness and how to reap spiritual returns. Be so aware that nothing, nothing at all, gets past your gaze.Together with top leadership giants, we will examine relevant, missional ministry strategies, from the inside out, while encouraging authentic, interactive, engaging approaches to the whole church growth process. Through hands-on partnering with experts in growth ministries, and big pledge campaigns, you will begin, very slowly, to become one of the select few top leaders yourself.


There will be refreshing times of training for church worship staff, young and old alike, to discover out-of-the-box methods of reviving an authentic spirit of worship in your services. Empty boxes will virtually litter the foyer!

Every half hour, break-out sessions are available to help leaders learn to recruit and equip ministries -everything from youth outreach to worship team service - focusing on the needs of a new generation needed to fill a growing leadership vacuum, and other challenges today's ministry leaders face.


The conference features leading voices, as well as voice-activated leaders, who will educate and inspire churches to boldly impact their ministries through dynamic tools - and will make learning experiences much more valuable after the conference is over if they can get out of the crowded parking lot.


This conference will provide more than just knowledge. It empowers and recharges! For your conference pack, simply send a $500 deposit to Luxury Pastor Resorts c/o Judas Jeffries, 666 College Park Circle, Gehenna, SD 57666

That pesky cross

Why do Christians focus on the cross all the time? Can't we just fast forward to the resurrection and skip all that bloody, icky stuff? That's pretty much what this post says on the Jesus Hates Papyrus site. (The original post was titled "Take down the cross" but the name has now been changed to "Raise the Resurrection" for some reason.) In the enlightened 21st century, surely we can get past sin and death and skip right to the part where Jesus wants to help you get your oil changed.

Standing in worship is more missional than dressing up

 If you are new to Church Growth Movement fellowships, you might find it strange to see us standing all through worship. We do this for a couple of reasons. First, it shows respect for God. When an important person comes into the room, it's right to stand as a sign of respect.

  Second, it weeds out older people. Only the strong and young can manage to endure long periods of standing, so this assures us of a congregation in line with our vision. If you get a whole worship center filled with old geezers, that's not going to shout out RELEVANT to a newcomer. So we use standing worship and loud music to shape our congregation into more of what God is looking for.

 Third, it makes up for our casual dress. The small churches are filled with people who somehow think that dressing up impresses God. We don't do that. But because they think we are less respectful of God by wearing our Hawaiian shirts and shorts, we can retort, "Well, yeah, but we stand and you SIT for worship!" and that generally puts them in their place.

Standing in worship also has the advantage of making newbies think worship is kind of like a rock concert. Our light shows and audio systems contribute to that effect, and it makes even the most hardened unchurched visitor stand up and take notice. Well, they kind of have to stand up, but it makes them take notice.

Dump The Message version for something more cutting edge

Does The Message seem a bit old now? Reminding you of the old Authorized Version? That's because it IS! Cutting edge Christians, pastors and lay people alike, are digging into the latest, most culturally relevant translation yet -- the LOLcats version. Here is a sample from Luke 2: Sheep-doodz n Angels


8 Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly.9 An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!!10 But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz!11 Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t!12 Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish."13 An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez, 14 "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai."

Why pay for a pastor when you can employ a hologram?

Pipe in your favorite celeb preacher in 3-D, front and center in your sanctuary! No more boring local guy now. You get a real expert, someone who's been tried and tested in front of a multiplex church, with real, bonafide leadership expertise! Hologram pastors are THE latest thing for culturally relevent worship centers.

It's easy to play the church market

So you want to sell your widget to the hundreds of thousands of young, upwardly mobile church members out there? It's a huge market and it's never been easier to exploit it.

Simply create a web site with edgy, brash colors and images and start posting about leadership. It's often good to include a list. Eight Signs of an Effective Leader, 7 Strategies for Leading with Courage, A Leader knows The Flock: Here's How, 10 Ways to Lead Gently but Confidently, Leaders Who Really Matter... anything like that.


Link to and post articles that will attract attention of wannabe megachurch stars, as if you really know the score and they can learn it all from you. You want to convey the idea that if they listen to you they will be successful, either in ministry or in finances or in numbers. Best is if you can make them think you can do all three.

To make your site look authoritative, you need to quote Christian authors and personalities, advertise the best-selling pastor books and leadership books. Quote from giants of the faith every once in a while, but throw in mostly your own common sense advice tips.

Use a lot of popular references to cult icons: musicians, TV personalities, artists, writers, and not always church ones either.

You want your pastor/future-customer to think that by reading your blog and, later, by buying your widgets, he is on the path to sure-fire, spiritual and material success. You want him to know that by following your tips and tricks, he will be above the sorry little pastors who don't know these tricks of the trade. You want him to feel superior without him catching on that you are buttering him up to become a future customer.

You want your site to have many short and sweet advice bits that sound good and contemporary and "relevant." You want many colorful graphics and you want a lot of testimonials that don't look like testimonials. You want success stories disguised as posts and comments to posts.

Include many video clips, reviews of Christian products, music reviews, books, conferences. Promote big Christian events often and make as much exciting noise as you can about them.

You don't have to actually be religious to make these sites. Pastors are hungry to become the next big spiritual voice on the horizon and they will salivate at anything that makes them think you have the means to make them big.

Coin many words and invent terms along the way. Jargon makes them feel in the know and they will not want to be left out.

If you can post an interview or two with a Christian icon or artist, do it. That increases your sense of authority in the eyes of these groupie/pastors.

Advertise discount tickets to events, link to the most relevant Christian and pop sites.

After a few months you can start introducing your widget as a must-have. Plug it often, provide comments from satisfied, enthusiastic "customers" and make it seem like a necessity for any leader who wants to make it big. You're on your way to record sales.

Photo:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/theabbott/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

It only matters that you worship

Eliab: Nate, good to see you. Have you seen our colorful, snazzy new tabernacle? Purple, blue and red. Beautiful set-up. You should come worship with us sometime.

Nathan-melech: Worship? What? Who?

Eliab: Well, we don’t get into all the details of who you worship and that kind of thing. The main thing is that you worship!

Nathan-melech: That’s cool, I guess. Worship. That’s just singing, right?

Eliab: Mostly, yeah. Lots of cool songs. We have trumpets and psalteries and timbrels, all the very best. You’d like it.

Nathan-melech: I don’t sing too well.

Eliab: That’s fine. You can just sit and listen.

Nathan-melech: So, you’re saying that worship is coming and listening to music?

Eliab: Well, you should think good thoughts at the same time.

Nathan-melech: No talk about sin and sacrifices and unclean and clean stuff?

Eliab: No, none of that. That’s the old way of doing things. We’re beyond that now. What’s important is the relationship.

Nathan-melech: What relationship?

Eliab: Between you and God.

Nathan-melech: I thought you didn’t have to worship God.

Eliab: Well, you do, kind of. But we emphasize the worship part, not the God part, except for the relationship.

Nathan-melech: I don’t know. I’m comfortable with Baal-peor. I don’t want to give up parties and feasts.

Eliab: That’s okay. We don’t ask about that stuff. We talk about donkey care and thatch-roof repair.

Nathan-melech: Really? Donkey-care and thatch-repair? That sounds interesting.

Eliab: We have all kinds of culturally-relevant stuff. Best mule-shodding practices, how to make your kids work harder, destination city shortcuts: lots of helpful, interesting topics.

Nathan-melech: Well, can I bring my images, too? You know. Ashtoreth, Baal.

Eliab: Well, we’d prefer that you turned your whole attention to worship when you’re here.

Nathan-melech: Well, that’s what I worship. Hey! I thought you were culturally relevant!

Eliab: Oh, we are! We are!

Nathan-melech: But I like my gods. I’ve worshiped Baal and Ashteroth for a long time now and I like all the buzz I get from the fertility parts, you know. Hey and I’m onto THE most up and coming practices
now. You’ve heard of Molech?

Eliab: Yeah, a little. What’s so cool about Molech-worship?

Nathan-melech: The sacrifices! It’s awesome! I thought you liked to be on the cutting edge. What’s really on the cutting edge is Molech-worship.

Eliab: I’m sure we can incorporate some of those practices in our worship services, too, sometime. We have our ears to the ground. Have you seen our tabernacle coffee lounge?

Nathan-melech: Not really, no. I’m not really into hot drinks. When will you put in an ale bar?

Eliab: Well, we’re working on that, but we have to get some bylaw changes and they are hard to maneuver with our older members frowning on all that, but we have a few aces up our sleeves. We’ll do
anything to get more people in to worship.

Nathan-melech: So, you just sing and play music.

Eliab: And have messages on important, useful topics.

Nathan-melech: Yeah. Well, I don’t know.

Eliab: The music is really good!

Nathan-melech: Uh huh. You need a little more enticement. What you need is to work in a little more sin.

Eliab: We’re working on it. We’re working on it. Won't be long now.

Photo credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tekmagika/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Esteem, honor and perks, perks, perks

So, you want to be a mega-church pastor? You want the crowds lapping up your every word. You want to mentor and write and teach others how to be just as big and bad as you, flying here on a rented jet, staying there in luxury resorts, driving sleek and shiny cars and living in an executive mansion, while everyone looks at you as a spiritual icon. A whole world of stardom awaits. When you've finally reached the top, here's the esteem you'll find waiting for you. Enjoy!

Write your own scripture, with these 7 easy rules

1. Prepare the way by experimenting with a variety of Bible translations

Before you start producing your own scripture, you need to practice some actualization with traditional scripture. And you need to prepare your congregants for the transition.

When preaching on Bible passages, it's best to vary translations. This serves a couple of purposes. First, no one will be able to pin you down if your message seems to contradict their translation. Sure, it looks like it might say that in the NIV, but here in the New Living, it says something quite different! Citing a variety of translations keeps potential critics off balance and allows you to get away with much more. Second, it is easier to mold scripture to your own purposes if you can use a broad selection of versions. If you don’t find that the New King James supports your point, you can always use the Amplified or the Message to drive it home.

2. Quote an equal number of cultural authorities along with the Bible. If you use three verses from the Old Testament, throw in three quotes from Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks or Bill Gates. This conditions your congregation to place less weight on ancient scripture and more weight on culturally relevant materials.

3. Ramp it up. After your congregation has become accustomed to other “scriptural” references besides the Bible, ramp it up. Use slightly more quotations from popular personalities and slightly less scripture.

4. Make sure to throw in lots of statistics. Statistics lend authority to what you say. They support your word and make you look reliable and knowledgeable. Use survey results, polls, marketing reports or whatever else seems authoritative. Sprinkle statistics liberally in each message, replacing verses of scripture with hard facts whenever possible.

5. Use the words and ideas of popular, current experts and church leaders. By quoting Rick Warren or Joel Osteen, you  consistently highlight those voices that Jesus-followers should look to for information and understanding. They, in turn, will quote you or your fellow leaders from time to time. When leaders quote each other and offer respect and fidelity to each other, your congregants will look to both them and you for answers, and that’s right where you want them.

6. Elevate your own words. Once you have broken down the expectation of scripture-laden messages by introducing other authorities, you can begin to elevate your own messages or parts of messages as scripture. You do this by introducing your points and ideas with phrases like “God says that…” or “God wants us to know that…” or similar constructions. Experiment. Be daring. After all, we are no longer bound by convention. It's a new day. Be bold, and behold!

7. Try publishing a how-to book or a fill-in-the-blank workbook. Jesus-followers are first and foremost followers. They don’t just follow Jesus. We are the leaders; they are the followers. If you write a decent, Christian how-to book, they will be hanging on your every word, Twittering you, posting links to your blog, coming to hear you at conferences and buying the next dozen books you produce. They will FOLLOW you. They will scribble notes about what you say and – well – they will treat what you say just about the same way they used to treat scripture. When you've published a couple of books for the masses, then you can take the next step and start publishing books on leadership for those also wanting to get in the game.