Thanks for Boosting our Numbers

Thanks to all those who got the word out about our new bestseller, Living the Creative Missional Life, with Intent and Enthusiasm and a sense of Purposeful Imagination. We have seen tremendous sales and believe that this book will result in many, many churches taking themselves to the next level, and then the next and the next. We grew from a little pastoral counseling group, to a huge, multi-million dollar concern in just a few years, and you can too - using the 7 Godly principles of Marketing and Exploitation that LCMLIEPI explores. We'll show you how to play off your expert status and attract pastor-clients from all over your area. LCMLIEPI is now in its sixth printing and  - there is no end in sight. A big THANK YOU for those of you who have made our success possible.

The big guys can help

Is your church struggling? Have you tried to make it grow without success? Have you wondered WHEN God would finally help your congregation become a towering megachurch like you know it is destined to be? You can relax and stop worrying now, because the big guys are here to help.

If you think the problem might be with you, you can order a pastor personality profile to see if your personality, communication skills and leadership style are helping or hurting your congregation. This is what you get:

1.  A report on your general personality characteristics
2.  Do's and don't on communicating 
3.  Graphs of your leadership style
4.  Trends on how well you fit in your environment

This all comes from "renown (sic) authors" so it must be worth the $27 per profile, $95 if you want coaching with it.

If you don't think the problem is you, never fear. The problem might be with your volunteers, or lack of them. Famous big, superpastor Ed Young, who is so successful he leases a jet, even for short trips, offers a CD kit on  pivotal principles for developing a strong volunteer force. Your church can learn Ed's secrets for a mere $299.00


It may just be that your congregants need training in how to be more sacrificial. A capital campaign might be all you need. Successful box store church pastors who've done it themselves will kindly show you how to raise money in a capital campaign. For a fee.
For slightly less than $700.00 you can purchase this product from a multi-campus pastor in New York. It promises to help you Learn how to challenge every person to make a significant and sacrificial contribution and to exceed your goal and maximize contributions. The testimonial at the end goes on and on, so it must be effective. And it's only $695.95

 With so much help from fellow Christian brothers, it won't be long before your church is bursting at the seams. Then, you can charge the little guys for your help by packaging seminars and kits, packages and conference products. And you can write a best selling book about it, too.

Criticize churches and make $$$

What a SWEET DEAL! Only $750 for small churches. Hire yourself out as a church "secret shopper." I know some guys who would gladly give you some Hawaiian Punch, too. And charge only twenty bucks or so.

It's easy to play the church market

So you want to sell your widget to the hundreds of thousands of young, upwardly mobile church members out there? It's a huge market and it's never been easier to exploit it.

Simply create a web site with edgy, brash colors and images and start posting about leadership. It's often good to include a list. Eight Signs of an Effective Leader, 7 Strategies for Leading with Courage, A Leader knows The Flock: Here's How, 10 Ways to Lead Gently but Confidently, Leaders Who Really Matter... anything like that.


Link to and post articles that will attract attention of wannabe megachurch stars, as if you really know the score and they can learn it all from you. You want to convey the idea that if they listen to you they will be successful, either in ministry or in finances or in numbers. Best is if you can make them think you can do all three.

To make your site look authoritative, you need to quote Christian authors and personalities, advertise the best-selling pastor books and leadership books. Quote from giants of the faith every once in a while, but throw in mostly your own common sense advice tips.

Use a lot of popular references to cult icons: musicians, TV personalities, artists, writers, and not always church ones either.

You want your pastor/future-customer to think that by reading your blog and, later, by buying your widgets, he is on the path to sure-fire, spiritual and material success. You want him to know that by following your tips and tricks, he will be above the sorry little pastors who don't know these tricks of the trade. You want him to feel superior without him catching on that you are buttering him up to become a future customer.

You want your site to have many short and sweet advice bits that sound good and contemporary and "relevant." You want many colorful graphics and you want a lot of testimonials that don't look like testimonials. You want success stories disguised as posts and comments to posts.

Include many video clips, reviews of Christian products, music reviews, books, conferences. Promote big Christian events often and make as much exciting noise as you can about them.

You don't have to actually be religious to make these sites. Pastors are hungry to become the next big spiritual voice on the horizon and they will salivate at anything that makes them think you have the means to make them big.

Coin many words and invent terms along the way. Jargon makes them feel in the know and they will not want to be left out.

If you can post an interview or two with a Christian icon or artist, do it. That increases your sense of authority in the eyes of these groupie/pastors.

Advertise discount tickets to events, link to the most relevant Christian and pop sites.

After a few months you can start introducing your widget as a must-have. Plug it often, provide comments from satisfied, enthusiastic "customers" and make it seem like a necessity for any leader who wants to make it big. You're on your way to record sales.

Photo:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/theabbott/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0