Nathan-melech: Worship? What? Who?
Eliab: Well, we don’t get into all the details of who you worship and that kind of thing. The main thing is that you worship!
Nathan-melech: That’s cool, I guess. Worship. That’s just singing, right?
Eliab: Mostly, yeah. Lots of cool songs. We have trumpets and psalteries and timbrels, all the very best. You’d like it.
Nathan-melech: I don’t sing too well.
Eliab: That’s fine. You can just sit and listen.
Nathan-melech: So, you’re saying that worship is coming and listening to music?
Eliab: Well, you should think good thoughts at the same time.
Nathan-melech: No talk about sin and sacrifices and unclean and clean stuff?
Eliab: No, none of that. That’s the old way of doing things. We’re beyond that now. What’s important is the relationship.
Nathan-melech: What relationship?
Eliab: Between you and God.
Nathan-melech: I thought you didn’t have to worship God.
Eliab: Well, you do, kind of. But we emphasize the worship part, not the God part, except for the relationship.
Nathan-melech: I don’t know. I’m comfortable with Baal-peor. I don’t want to give up parties and feasts.
Eliab: That’s okay. We don’t ask about that stuff. We talk about donkey care and thatch-roof repair.
Nathan-melech: Really? Donkey-care and thatch-repair? That sounds interesting.
Eliab: We have all kinds of culturally-relevant stuff. Best mule-shodding practices, how to make your kids work harder, destination city shortcuts: lots of helpful, interesting topics.
Nathan-melech: Well, can I bring my images, too? You know. Ashtoreth, Baal.
Eliab: Well, we’d prefer that you turned your whole attention to worship when you’re here.
Nathan-melech: Well, that’s what I worship. Hey! I thought you were culturally relevant!
Eliab: Oh, we are! We are!
Nathan-melech: But I like my gods. I’ve worshiped Baal and Ashteroth for a long time now and I like all the buzz I get from the fertility parts, you know. Hey and I’m onto THE most up and coming practices
now. You’ve heard of Molech?
Eliab: Yeah, a little. What’s so cool about Molech-worship?
Nathan-melech: The sacrifices! It’s awesome! I thought you liked to be on the cutting edge. What’s really on the cutting edge is Molech-worship.
Eliab: I’m sure we can incorporate some of those practices in our worship services, too, sometime. We have our ears to the ground. Have you seen our tabernacle coffee lounge?
Nathan-melech: Not really, no. I’m not really into hot drinks. When will you put in an ale bar?
Eliab: Well, we’re working on that, but we have to get some bylaw changes and they are hard to maneuver with our older members frowning on all that, but we have a few aces up our sleeves. We’ll do
anything to get more people in to worship.
Nathan-melech: So, you just sing and play music.
Eliab: And have messages on important, useful topics.
Nathan-melech: Yeah. Well, I don’t know.
Eliab: The music is really good!
Nathan-melech: Uh huh. You need a little more enticement. What you need is to work in a little more sin.
Eliab: We’re working on it. We’re working on it. Won't be long now.
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