The results are in

If church marketing groups had targeted Jesus and his disciples, this might be one result:

Jesus, your associate Jude Iscariot asked us to implement a survey to see how your group was perceived, both internally and in the larger community. We put together some focus groups, did some informal surveys and crunched the numbers. Your results are in.

Among disciples, your group shows high marks. Most disciples believed your group was on the right track. Most were excited about your mission, although a fair number weren’t sure just what the mission was. A majority liked how you related to the unchurched and minorities. A few thought you needed to emphasize scripture more and a few thought you needed to provide better child care services.

External surveys showed a wide divergence of opinion on your group. Most thought you were dangerous (half because of stirring up disfavor of Roman authorities; and half because they thought your religious ideas bordered on blasphemy). Most had a favorable view of your miracles, but the parables and teachings received low marks.

Our recommendation is that you seek to implement a strategy to modify your group culture, in order to help you attain the reputation you are seeking to build. You need to do more to impact your community in a positive way, to get some public relations help and to use available media to your advantage.

Thanks for Boosting our Numbers

Thanks to all those who got the word out about our new bestseller, Living the Creative Missional Life, with Intent and Enthusiasm and a sense of Purposeful Imagination. We have seen tremendous sales and believe that this book will result in many, many churches taking themselves to the next level, and then the next and the next. We grew from a little pastoral counseling group, to a huge, multi-million dollar concern in just a few years, and you can too - using the 7 Godly principles of Marketing and Exploitation that LCMLIEPI explores. We'll show you how to play off your expert status and attract pastor-clients from all over your area. LCMLIEPI is now in its sixth printing and  - there is no end in sight. A big THANK YOU for those of you who have made our success possible.

Church environment and Jesus

When you look at the New Testament, you see that Jesus was interested in leadership philosophies, rebranding and quality audiovisual environments. He told his disciples to go out and lead, he rebranded his disciples with new names, and he'd often go onto mountaintops to create just the right environment for his message: a clear concern with both auditory and visual elements of His presentation.

So when you come across sites like this one, you know that despite the materialistic emphasis, there is core Bibllical truth here.
Can't you just imagine Jesus telling his listeners to "Be holistic, stay current and respect the context"? Just like the beatitudes. If Jesus walked among us today, he'd be the sound guy. Or, maybe not.

It's easy to play the church market

So you want to sell your widget to the hundreds of thousands of young, upwardly mobile church members out there? It's a huge market and it's never been easier to exploit it.

Simply create a web site with edgy, brash colors and images and start posting about leadership. It's often good to include a list. Eight Signs of an Effective Leader, 7 Strategies for Leading with Courage, A Leader knows The Flock: Here's How, 10 Ways to Lead Gently but Confidently, Leaders Who Really Matter... anything like that.


Link to and post articles that will attract attention of wannabe megachurch stars, as if you really know the score and they can learn it all from you. You want to convey the idea that if they listen to you they will be successful, either in ministry or in finances or in numbers. Best is if you can make them think you can do all three.

To make your site look authoritative, you need to quote Christian authors and personalities, advertise the best-selling pastor books and leadership books. Quote from giants of the faith every once in a while, but throw in mostly your own common sense advice tips.

Use a lot of popular references to cult icons: musicians, TV personalities, artists, writers, and not always church ones either.

You want your pastor/future-customer to think that by reading your blog and, later, by buying your widgets, he is on the path to sure-fire, spiritual and material success. You want him to know that by following your tips and tricks, he will be above the sorry little pastors who don't know these tricks of the trade. You want him to feel superior without him catching on that you are buttering him up to become a future customer.

You want your site to have many short and sweet advice bits that sound good and contemporary and "relevant." You want many colorful graphics and you want a lot of testimonials that don't look like testimonials. You want success stories disguised as posts and comments to posts.

Include many video clips, reviews of Christian products, music reviews, books, conferences. Promote big Christian events often and make as much exciting noise as you can about them.

You don't have to actually be religious to make these sites. Pastors are hungry to become the next big spiritual voice on the horizon and they will salivate at anything that makes them think you have the means to make them big.

Coin many words and invent terms along the way. Jargon makes them feel in the know and they will not want to be left out.

If you can post an interview or two with a Christian icon or artist, do it. That increases your sense of authority in the eyes of these groupie/pastors.

Advertise discount tickets to events, link to the most relevant Christian and pop sites.

After a few months you can start introducing your widget as a must-have. Plug it often, provide comments from satisfied, enthusiastic "customers" and make it seem like a necessity for any leader who wants to make it big. You're on your way to record sales.

Photo:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/theabbott/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0