If it's creative, edgy and original, it must be of God

Of course, to be creative, edgy and original, you have to avoid using phrases like "of God." We'll just say, "cool" and that pretty much means the same thing, right? God is cool, so if our stuff is unique and imaginative, it's cool and kind of like God's stuff. We can rap, we can use the right fonts, we can paste together relevant-looking video montages and edit them with the coolest techno-gadgets, so of course we're Kingdom-minded and approved. We'll ride the borders, turning off the traditionalists - who will sit there, clucking in their pews at our tattoos or headgear - and we'll know we're in the center of His wil-- Well, the center of What's Happening Now.

You don't have to wait for inspiration: You can buy it!

If preparing sermons is becoming drudgery, and you'd much rather be meeting with movers and shakers, honing your golf game or hosting a creative conference on leadership, don't worry. No longer must you take time to dig into scripture or try to discover what God is saying to you or your congregation. It's all done for you at very reasonable prices.
Online sermon sharing sites, as well as sermon purchasing sites, are at the ready.

• My Sermon Vault helps when your "well runs dry" and provides 10,000 sermons that will "blow you away" Don't forget to check out the Pastor's MegaPack
• Sermon Central offers a free newsletter and pastors devotional as well as messages to buy.
• Sermons on the Cheap? ifindsermons says, Why pay five bucks for sermons when you can get them for a buck seventy five? Why indeed?
• At the Redeemer Sermon Store, the first four in the list are about money, so you know this resource is going to be a winner! The site should probably be called the Sermon Redeemer store, but this works, too.
• Want to preach Saddleback Sermons and be just like Rick Warren? For about four bucks each, you can get transcripts, and even study guides are available for some of the messages. Hey, if it worked for Rick, it can work for YOU
• Sermon Series: Here you can purchase inspiration by the sermon OR the series. You can be inspired and empowered for only two fifty. You can use the content "in full or in part." If you use it in full, think of the time you save!

You're not ordinary, you're a Creative

You are artistic. You don't think; you create. God has gifted you with extraordinary powers of imagination, and that's why your gifts are in such demand. You have a knack for design, or music, or social networking, or blogging, or expressive thinking. You are one of the inner circle the leaders depend on. You possess a hotline to the Holy Spirit's most important endeavors.
Because of this, your church values your input. It sends you to creative conferences and pays your way. You are among the church elite. You gather with other creatives at brainstorming events. You move the church to embrace new technologies and avenues of ministry, outside the box. In short, you are not like other Christians. You are a step above and you should make this plain to all who don't share your gift.
You should post artsy and relevent comments on Twitter several times a day to let followers know that you are the one to follow. You should quote the right people and develop a persona that screams: Baluga! Or something equally mystifying and esoteric. After all, you're not just an average Joe.

How to make room for humility

Because the most important trait in Christianity is LEADERSHIP, top experts on leadership issues worry about balancing heady issues on managing people with the Christian call to meekness and humility. This can be a fearsome task because of the immense leadership vacuum in the church and the strong call to many otherwise ordinary folks called to do monumental tasks of a superior caliber. Fortunately, leadership leaders are up to the task and have come up with more handy lists (also here and here and here) to make even humility easy.  List-making is the key. It always is. Effective leaders know it and practice it.

The big thing is to be big

Jesus was big. We all know that. Everywhere he went, crowds followed, right? Well, he's called us to be like him, and that means we should be seeking ways to attract crowds. How can you attract crowds if you don't keep up a blog, write hot-selling books or hold sway over a mega-church? The missing ingredient is influence! We need to develop circles of influence! according to leadership expert Brad Lomenick.
How do you know that you are making an impact and having a little influence? When you are "invited to gatherings" or have a widely read blog, that's how. Or you could be a mayor, but that's harder.

The main thing is to work at those circles. You need to direct all your energies into influencing people because that's the focus today of real, missional Christians. Time to add more friends on Facebook and write that blockbuster on how to use the church as a building block to success.

Thanks for Boosting our Numbers

Thanks to all those who got the word out about our new bestseller, Living the Creative Missional Life, with Intent and Enthusiasm and a sense of Purposeful Imagination. We have seen tremendous sales and believe that this book will result in many, many churches taking themselves to the next level, and then the next and the next. We grew from a little pastoral counseling group, to a huge, multi-million dollar concern in just a few years, and you can too - using the 7 Godly principles of Marketing and Exploitation that LCMLIEPI explores. We'll show you how to play off your expert status and attract pastor-clients from all over your area. LCMLIEPI is now in its sixth printing and  - there is no end in sight. A big THANK YOU for those of you who have made our success possible.

The big guys can help

Is your church struggling? Have you tried to make it grow without success? Have you wondered WHEN God would finally help your congregation become a towering megachurch like you know it is destined to be? You can relax and stop worrying now, because the big guys are here to help.

If you think the problem might be with you, you can order a pastor personality profile to see if your personality, communication skills and leadership style are helping or hurting your congregation. This is what you get:

1.  A report on your general personality characteristics
2.  Do's and don't on communicating 
3.  Graphs of your leadership style
4.  Trends on how well you fit in your environment

This all comes from "renown (sic) authors" so it must be worth the $27 per profile, $95 if you want coaching with it.

If you don't think the problem is you, never fear. The problem might be with your volunteers, or lack of them. Famous big, superpastor Ed Young, who is so successful he leases a jet, even for short trips, offers a CD kit on  pivotal principles for developing a strong volunteer force. Your church can learn Ed's secrets for a mere $299.00


It may just be that your congregants need training in how to be more sacrificial. A capital campaign might be all you need. Successful box store church pastors who've done it themselves will kindly show you how to raise money in a capital campaign. For a fee.
For slightly less than $700.00 you can purchase this product from a multi-campus pastor in New York. It promises to help you Learn how to challenge every person to make a significant and sacrificial contribution and to exceed your goal and maximize contributions. The testimonial at the end goes on and on, so it must be effective. And it's only $695.95

 With so much help from fellow Christian brothers, it won't be long before your church is bursting at the seams. Then, you can charge the little guys for your help by packaging seminars and kits, packages and conference products. And you can write a best selling book about it, too.

Keeping track of the givers and the disenchanted

You want your church to grow, right? So you need a way to butter up the ones who give and who help in the nursery, while marginalizing the stubborn traditionalists who won't get with the vision. How can you keep track of who is who in your church without taking the trouble to get to know people? You want to be able to track and categorize your members, get familiar with their habits, know who they bank with, know their hobbies, their weaknesses (which might come in handy if they make trouble down the road), their social security numbers and their TV viewing habits.
Luckily, you are not left alone to do these monumental tasks, you have help  when using programs such as this one, with.its "robust contribution model" and its attendance tracking features. Or this one With its donor management and pledge tracking, or Servant Keeper (think Mason Jar)  whose motto is  Organizing God's people." Or maybe "ChurchTrac" that lets you "keep track of your members and prospects." Or any of dozens of other easy-to-use programs.

Church environment and Jesus

When you look at the New Testament, you see that Jesus was interested in leadership philosophies, rebranding and quality audiovisual environments. He told his disciples to go out and lead, he rebranded his disciples with new names, and he'd often go onto mountaintops to create just the right environment for his message: a clear concern with both auditory and visual elements of His presentation.

So when you come across sites like this one, you know that despite the materialistic emphasis, there is core Bibllical truth here.
Can't you just imagine Jesus telling his listeners to "Be holistic, stay current and respect the context"? Just like the beatitudes. If Jesus walked among us today, he'd be the sound guy. Or, maybe not.

Criticize churches and make $$$

What a SWEET DEAL! Only $750 for small churches. Hire yourself out as a church "secret shopper." I know some guys who would gladly give you some Hawaiian Punch, too. And charge only twenty bucks or so.